Follow-up on the influence post on eye contact - discussion in the comments/emails/etc. was great.
I think I need to be clear that I’m not talking about simple eye contact that most of us make while conversing.
When someone doesn’t make eye contact in those situations the penalty is doled out by biasing our impressions of the individual: untrustworthy, unconfident, … In this case the influence is lost.
Now the influence that can be gained by penetrating eye contact is what I’m talking about. It’s the initially uncomfortable type of eye contact that’s powerful. Try it out and let me know how it goes.
COMMENTS / 4 COMMENTS
Jecklin added these pithy words on Sep 20 06 at 8:23 amYou’re on a roll with these posts. What often throws the penetrating-eye-contact-for-power- trippers off is simply returning the penetrating eye contact in a warm, open way. I would like to know how _you_ felt the first time you encountered an individual who is a fellow eye contacter. I remember; it was akward, but in a joyful, ecstatic way. Every good therapist uses the kind of eye contact you describe to establish rapport.
Fraser added these pithy words on Sep 20 06 at 8:47 amI felt the same way as you - warm, open, connected. It feels like that connection is the elevated next level beyond the smile, the laugh, or the engaging question. At times, in what has felt odd after the fact… I’ve felt safe. Protected even? Like we’d exchanged a knowing glance, a nod of acceptance. I can understand why good therapists would use the technique - it’s an entirely different connection. Welcome to DisruptiveThoughts by the way - glad you’re enjoying the recent activity and thanks for adding to the conversation.
Jecklin added these pithy words on Sep 20 06 at 12:23 pmYou’re on a roll with these posts.
What often throws the penetrating-eye-contact-for-power- trippers off is simply returning the penetrating eye contact in a warm, open way.
I would like to know how _you_ felt the first time you encountered an individual who is a fellow eye contacter. I remember; it was akward, but in a joyful, ecstatic way.
Every good therapist uses the kind of eye contact you describe to establish rapport.
Fraser added these pithy words on Sep 20 06 at 12:47 pmI felt the same way as you - warm, open, connected. It feels like that connection is the elevated next level beyond the smile, the laugh, or the engaging question.
At times, in what has felt odd after the fact… I’ve felt safe. Protected even? Like we’d exchanged a knowing glance, a nod of acceptance.
I can understand why good therapists would use the technique - it’s an entirely different connection.
Welcome to DisruptiveThoughts by the way - glad you’re enjoying the recent activity and thanks for adding to the conversation.
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