Fraser on Influence - The Importance of Making (Eye) Contact

September 19th, 2006

Do you look people in the eye? I mean, do you really look them in the eye? You don’t. You look away, dodging direct contact.

You’re missing out.

For a few weeks I’ve been testing what Tom Chiarella wrote about in the Aug. edition of Esquire - The Invisible Grip: Maintaining eye contact feels awkward. Even creepy. At first. Then it just feels powerful.

Tom collected power and then unnecessary apologies, Marlboro’s, discounts, and hotel upgrades.

With the exception of power I’ve collected the exact opposite. I’ve collected power and immediately leveraged it into a connection.

Eye contact established and three simple beats of the heart.

They’re confused. This isn’t normal. They awkwardly shift their gaze - eyes moving like a pendulum onto my eyes. And away. And back. Repeatedly.

3 beats of the heart.

I’ve collected the power. Then I really let them have it…

A big smile. A sincere question about them. A compliment.

A connection.

Their response is incredible.

How many of you connect with the random individuals you interact with daily? I’ve started to and it’s rewarding. A smile. A laugh. Observing a stranger pause because you’ve caught them off gaurd by caring is a powerful feeling. It’s warm. It’s beautiful. It’s human.

Unfortunately we aren’t human enough with humans we don’t know.

Eye contact is awkward and uncomfortable at first, but I promise you the connection is well worth the effort.

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